J in Las Vegas

The man who gave me salvation by buying me a plane ticket out of Phoenix became my closest friend and confidant. After sleeping and living with someone with almost 2 years, he also became my lover, more out of necessity than love. This tended to be a reucurring theme in my life I was soon to find out. Our relationship was long distance, as he was living in California at the time, and I was back in Texas. We spent hours on the phone, and sent each other letters every week. We had so many things in common, the most important being music. We could talk for hours on our favorites and turn each other on to new and different types. To me, this seemed the safest option for a relationship, because I was feeling very guilty for leaving my husband, even though he had mistreated me. J and I were tied to each other by the telephone cord. I didn't go a day without talking with him.

We planned to meet each other in Las Vegas in the spring. The promise was that he would drive me to Phoenix when we were there, so that I could retrieve my things that my -ex refused to send back to me. They were mostly personal effects, yearbooks, art supplies and photo albums. J said that we could do both and that he wasn't going to let me lose my things to that bitter man. I also felt that Vegas was a good choice. I knew what I was going for, and didn't fully accept that there would be more of a relationship with J to follow, but in my heart I'd hoped he prove me wrong. We planned everything out, saved our money and met each other soon after my 22nd birthday.

To me, he was the ultimate of cool and the opposite of my -ex. He wore jeans cuffed at his Doc Martins, clean pressed button down western shirts, and his hair was in a 50's pomp. He was thin and slight but his asian features were striking and dark. When we met in the airport our fingers entwined naturally and rarely let go of each other. It was like two old lovers that had finally met again. We were flushed and talkative, so much that we could barely let each other finish our sentences. We kissed as soon as we sat in the rental car. As we drove down the strip we both expressed how lucky we felt to finally be together again. It seemed to me that this might be the relationship I was destined for.

We spent our first night in Circus Circus, playing games and slot machines. We walked among the lurid red and yellow neons, the blaring sirens, and bouncing skee balls, and stole kisses whenever we could. We watched to acrobats, and ate ice cream.

We slept in seperate beds in his room that night, both of us relstless for each other. By the next day we were making love and doing little else. He ordered room service and champagne. He was a tender lover, and always asked how I was and how I felt. He was so different than any man I had ever been with. He was a real gentleman, as the others were always in a desperate hurry to get rid of me. Empty out and throw away.

The next morning was our trip to Phoenix. We headed out to what was mostly a long stretch of desert. The fear was settling in my stomach. I knew that I may see my -ex that day and have to confront him for my things. My fear was put to rest when I got to our tiny bungalow and he wasn't there. I walked into the dingy one room for the last time. I looked around at the mess that was left since I wasn't there to pick up after him. There was also a picture of another girl on the refridgerator. A plain mousy looking girl. Oh that poor girl, she had the same look of resign that I once had. She would soon be locked away and pushed aside. Given the title of 'married' in return for a life of solitude. I grabbed what was left of my things and put them in the trunk of the car. He had thrown a majority of it away. I missed my yearbooks and family photos. Then as a sign of finality I took the wedding ring out of the pocket of my jeans and placed it on the kitchen counter.

J and I booked it out of that neighborhood and flew back down the highway laughing with joy. The rest of the evening we listened to music and were cleansed by the open window desert air. I stuck my head out into the dusky star studded evening and smiled. It was finally over. No papers came, no signatures were signed but I knew it was over.

When we got back to Vegas we changed clothes for out last night on the town. J treated me to a sumptuous japanese dinner. We ate among cherry blossom trees and flowing ponds and waterfalls. We fed each other fruit and drank champagne for desert. It was the nicest most expensive dinner I have had since. It was lovely that it was with him.

By the time we made love again that night I knew it would be the last time. I wasn't sad, I was grateful for the friend he was to me. Passion like ours wasn't ment to burn past a weekend fling in Vegas. We never spoke a word about it, and the next morning we hugged and kissed cheeks as we parted ways. He was my savior, he changed my life by helping me escape and he gave me the finality I needed by taking me back to my battleground to claim myself again. I have lost touch with him over the years, and I often wonder if he remembers. I do. I do with a smile.